Boringly predictable.

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Tallulah tells the story of a dissatisfied Beverly Hills housewife hires a stranger to babysit her toddler that she’s desperate to be rid of and ends up getting much more than she bargained for.

This low-budget feature from Netflix feels like a first time outing from someone who just graduated film school. Although it doesn’t feel totally unprofessional, it the quality didn’t seem that high and it was essentially a film about a nomadic woman who ends up stealing a woman’s baby after she becomes attached to it when she babysits the child. The child’s mother, played by Tammy Blanchard, overacted to a cringeworthy state. Her character seemed to just jump from an unloving mother to suddenly loving her child with no really connection in between. In fact, a lot of the cast were extremely underused where the relevant and important facts us as the audience needed to know were explained through speeches that were often widely overstated.

The conclusion of the film felt both inevitable and totally unconvincing, leaving me with a sour taste in my mouth and an empty stomach. A lot of the major plot points were predictable and in the lead up to these points, I constantly thought to myself “are they seriously going to go through with that? Is that really going to happen?” If I hadn’t already watched so much of the film, I would’ve turned it off right away.

Although Tallulah definitely falls short of its goals due to it’s ambitiousness, it’s a strong effort that doesn’t exactly surmount to anything. It’s a stiff and formulaic film with no creativity whatsoever. It’s such a shame actors had to be attached to this film. Those like Ellen Page, Allison Janney, Uzo Aduba, and a brief glimpse of Zachary Quinto (who was the most underused in this film as in one scene he just stood there holding the child after awkwardly fumbling about trying to figure out what to do with such poor direction) did what they could with a script that lacked any heart or any soul.

Film-O-Meter: 1/10.

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